Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The death of an idiot box

Just the other day after another excessively long day of being me I come home after borrowing a friend's copy of the new Transformers Revenge of The Fallen. I construct a sandwich and fill a drink and get my little late night snack all ready to go....And then to my dismal surprise, my TV shit the bed. Just snow. It was at this moment I realized just how important TV was and is in my life. Life is pretty boring when you can't turn on that idiot window that distracts you from how lame you really are as a person. So anyway there I am in my room with this sandwich that really is not that appetizing after the nauseating realization that I cannot be squired off to sleep by a cool movie sets in. So what I did was power down the sandwich and just laid there...For hours.....Until finally I fell asleep only to wake up for school 3 hours later. FML. But worse than that whole scenario is what I learned from this, I am literally a junkie for TV. I felt like a crackhead who lost his last blast. Pitiful.

Friday, October 23, 2009


Well well well
Looks like we are back in the big show. One of the few things that I like about Philly is for sure the phillies and once again it is on. On wednesday after the game the exodus to cityhall happened once again (although a little prematurely since they still have to play the yankees). The Philadelphia police, being aware of the debautchery from last year were ready to rock and roll. The preparation started earlier that day when city workers stopped picking up trash for the day and instead smeared vasoline all over the light posts(last year people were climbing up like monkees). Later in the night when the ruckus was brought to center city the police flaunted their power by making people dump out beers (something that was unheard of last year) and shaking down the drunks. This show of power makes me worried for when we win what the situation will be, I don't want the craziness from last year to be toned down at all. In any case there will be thousands and thousands to control and how many cops are there really? As long as nobody I know gets nightsticked everything will be ok.

Monday, October 19, 2009

its getting cold....snowboard trip?

May have found the coolest website ever. Its like youtube with a can literally learn how to do anything you ever wanted to know how to do on one site. Seriously I learned how to pop a combo lock using a soda can and how to survive being jumped all in like 3 minutes. God bless the internet, I mean now I can rob someones locker using a soda can and then after they find out and try to roll me, I'm prepared for that too. From now on I will be visiting this site once a day and learning various tricks, by the end of the year I will be unstoppable. (Maniacal laughter ensues.)

Friday, October 16, 2009

beside myself

Here I sit beside myself wondering what I am actually doing. I mean I see everything that myself is doing but some of these things I do not understand. But then again who does? I watch myself go through a whole days worth of semi interesting interactions with people who are not so interesting. Thank god most of the time I am so wrapped up in what I am thinking about that these semi-personal interactions are playing at a low volume. This may seem rude but I can assure you that the moment something relevant comes up so does the volume. You cannot possibly listen to everything, some things need a reduction of volume. Anyway back to my self watching, it is interesting when you allow yourself to watch your actions and conversations and be critical of yourself, it is actually hilarious. Like just yesterday I had a showdown with a Green Peace "activist" who flagged me down by shouting "Hey Guy", I watched myself tell this lip-ringed tree hugger that it is probably not a good ice breaker to shout "Hey guy" and then proceeded to school him on Public works projects and why I don't need to make a donation. It is dumb really, that I get a kick out of such things but hey its the little things.

Axototl the magestic Mexican Salamander....Crazy

At my internship today, one of my coworkers sent me an email of "9 wierd animals you never knew existed". This little guy was above and beyond the most strange looking. After some brief research, I found that it is called a Axototl and is indigenous to Mexico, it is actually a salamander. I just chose to include this because, I don't know about you but this is the craziest thing that I have seen all week. More interesting than the fact that this thing actually exists is that people have them as pets! It seems to me like something that you could buy in Tijuana for a small amount of pesos and smuggle back into the US in your tighty whiteys. Actually, disregard that last statement due to the fact that I just read that they are carnivorous. Yeah...Ouch.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


I woke up quick after the second snooze button, 7:55 am. Hop skip to the washroom for a shower, shave and dental hygiene. Slide into the brand new Levis and assemble today's uniform a mix of business casual and busboy slave. Allow me to clear this up I fake the business casual for my internship i.e. white button up; however this is really in order to make the transition to busboy slave at 4 when all of my original thought cease to be relevant and I don my bullshit filter through which none of the spiteful things that the stuffy folks come in say can pass. Such as "Next time don't even come up to my table if someone is holding a fork.", my response "My apologies sir I did not realize that your wife was still enjoying her salad. I did not mean to rush you at all, please excuse me." translation from bus slave to regular vernacular- "Sorry sir I figured that since she has such a horse mouth that she would have been finished by now, I'm not really sorry, but you pay my bills so I am going to act like I am." Now it isn't because I am a rude person that thoughts like this try to sneak out of the side of my mouth when I deal with such people, in fact I am a very polite individual, raised that way I suppose. However, when I am constantly treated as a subordinate by these people it takes its toll on me but in fact when I leave I am purposely overly polite to anyone and everyone. It just doesn't make any sense to me that just because some people have money, they lose all of their manners.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Stuck in The Social Network Cobweb

It seems these days that social networking is a topic that most people know of, but most don't know what to do with it. Of course these networks are an outlet for people that kind of know each other to peer through the window at someone else's life and have the opportunity to comment on their every action. This leaves me thinking, is all this online networking worth it, I mean the majority of these people may never see each other but will give a thumbs up or down on their actions. It seems silly to me that these people would care about others comments on their actions or why they would even post pictures of last week's party. However since I am blessed with a super-powered brain, I am able to see past the fog. Social networking is a perfect platform for advertising. It is free, you are able to see results because of the interaction and you have a captivated market because of the vast popularity of the trend.

Most UnAmerican statement....Ever

Banning Hamburgers? I think not. Is this really what Americans have come to? This article, aside from being fluffier than cotton candy, does contain some relative thoughts from both sides. However the obvious issue to me is not the fact that burgers should be banned, but that ground beef production is scandalous. Now that I think it over though, the constant necessity for cheap lower shelf ground beef by the hustlers of our gluttony may be the source of this less than adequate beef. The most ridiculous passage in the article is when Anthony Bourdain (of Discovery Channel's No Reservations fame) states that people are made to eat meat because we have fingernails and teeth and that we are made to chase smaller, dumber animals. Unfortunately, the dumbest animal your average American chases is probably the family dog, and those fingernails are mostly used to peel the packaging of prepared food and fast food burgers. I am glad that Bourdain redeemed this opinion by striking the point, he brilliantly says that people eat beef because it tastes great and smells good while being cooked. This is my favorite point from this piece because that really speaks of the essence of American meat consumption; furthurmore it projects a mental movie in smellivision for me. I suddenly remembered in an instant every time my nose has been treated to the aroma of finely cooked beef. I wonder if vegetarians ever come to a crossroads of consumption when faced with this smell which is as American as baseball. Bigger than America, (oh yes I said it) the smell of cooking beef being delicious is a universal truth (aside from India where I suppose it would be seen as sacrilege). Well enough of this I think I'm gonna go grab a hamburgesa con quesa and wash that down with some beef jerky because it's what's for dinner, now and forever.